Ambivalence and Ambiguity
by Lady Arreya
Summary: Takes place during the episode, "Darkstar Rising." Ben and Gwen struggle with the ambiguity in their relationship.


Title: Ambivalence and Ambiguity  
Rating: T  
Summary: Takes place during the episode, "Darkstar Rising." Ben and Gwen struggle with the ambiguity in their relationship.

A/N: I thought it was awfully convenient that Ben just HAPPENED to show up when Gwen and Kevin were fighting the Highbreed.

I started writing this right after "Darkstar Rising," but it's clear from "Good Copy, Bad Copy" that Ben has been seeing Julie for a while (blech), so I decided to incorporate that.

As for the title… I was in a Jane Austen kind of mood. :)

Inspired by:

1. The episode "Darkstar Rising" (and "Good Copy, Bad Copy," to a lesser extent)

2. Karkadinn's story, "Whisper, Snicker, Point and Jeer"

3. Panel interview at San Diego Comic Con 2008. When they're talking about what's going on between Kevin and Gwen, Yuri Lowenthal says in his Ben voice, "Nothing is going on, all right?!" Later on he says to Greg Cipes (who does the voice of Kevin), "I always thought you just did it to make me mad."

youtube (dot) com/watch?v=C2nxEMb88jw (4:28)

* * *

Ben stretched carefully, trying to work the kinks out of his aching body. His back was still smarting from when Kevin had grabbed him and thrown him against the car earlier. He'd noticed that Kevin had become way more aggressive with him lately, both verbally and physically. They'd always been competitive, but this felt much more menacing.

He couldn't help feeling like they were competing for Gwen's affections.

At first he'd thought Kevin was just trying to piss him off by flirting with Gwen, but it had soon become clear that he was actually interested in her.

And why wouldn't he be? She was beautiful, brave, talented and smart. She was one of a kind.

He'd encouraged their interest in each other because Kevin was a valuable member of the team (the only one who could drive), and Ben wanted him to have incentive to be one of the good guys. But now he was growing increasingly uneasy.

It had been tolerable – amusing, even – when Kevin had seemed standoffish, and Gwen had shown interest in other guys like Mike Morningstar.

But it seemed the more Kevin played it cool, the more determined Gwen became to have him. She was pursuing him way more persistently these days.

He wanted Gwen to be happy, but he wasn't convinced that she'd actually be happy with Kevin.

He and Kevin had reached an uneasy truce, but sometimes he wasn't entirely convinced that Kevin had changed all that much. Gwen really wanted to believe that he had, but there was too much evidence to the contrary to ignore completely. Kevin still had no qualms about breaking and entering, stealing, making shady deals, or refusing to help other people unless there was something in it for him.

They both wanted to reform him, mostly out of guilt, but only Kevin himself could do that.

Maybe it was only a matter of time before Kevin reverted to his old ways completely.

He suddenly realized that Gwen was talking to him, and he turned his attention back to her.

"Do you think Kevin's dad really was a Plumber?" she was asking.

Ben shrugged. "Maybe."

Kevin had claimed his real father was a Plumber, but who knew?

"Why didn't he ever tell us?"

"I don't know."

He was intensely curious about Kevin's father, but he doubted that Kevin would talk to him. Kevin would be more likely to talk to Gwen.

Gwen stood up abruptly. "I'll see you later."

Ben stared at her. It was already 9 p.m. "Where are you going?"

"Over to Kevin's," she said casually.

"Now?"

"Sure. Why not?"

He felt torn. Although he knew it was their best chance of getting their questions answered, he didn't really want her to go over there. He had a sinking feeling that if she did go, something might actually happen between her and Kevin.

He wasn't sure if he was going to be able to deal with Kevin and Gwen being together. He was so used to having her around and having her undivided attention. Their relationship was special, and he didn't want anyone else intruding on it.

It was a weird situation. He certainly couldn't be with Gwen, and he was technically with Julie, but he didn't want Gwen to be with Kevin. It wasn't fair and it didn't make sense, but there it was.

So he followed her…

* * *

Gwen tried not to feel guilty.

She'd always been especially close to Grandpa Max and Ben. The three of them had always been a team.

They'd both been devastated about losing him. Now that Grandpa Max was gone, Ben was all she had left.

There was no denying that their relationship was special. It was also nebulous. It defied categorization. They were cousins, but that didn't say much. She had other cousins on her mother's side, as did he, and she didn't have that kind of relationship with any of them.

He wasn't like a brother to her, either. She had a brother, and she knew what that was like. Her relationship with Ken was completely different than her relationship with Ben.

It was difficult to put it into words.

She'd pushed Ben so hard to pursue Julie because it was less complicated that way. Ben could be with Julie, and she could be with Kevin, she'd reasoned. It was safer that way. Then she wouldn't have to think about how unusual – and disconcerting – her relationship with Ben really was. They could still be close, and no one would think anything of it if they were both romantically involved with other people.

But if they weren't…

People might get suspicious of how close they were.

Unfortunately, her plan had worked a little too well. She was reminded of that old saying, "Be careful what you wish for."

Ever since he'd started dating Julie, she'd been feeling him pull away from her. She felt like she was being replaced by Julie, and it bothered her more than she cared to admit.

She tried not to feel jealous of Julie. Julie was perfectly nice. Gwen didn't have anything against her, really. It wasn't personal. She just didn't like the thought of anyone taking Ben away from her.

She used to be the one who helped him study. The one who praised and encouraged him for his efforts. The one who ate all his chili fries when he wasn't looking.

The one he confided in and relied on.

She wanted to be special to him. She needed him. And she needed him to need her too.

Was it only a matter of time before he didn't need her at all?

It terrified her. She'd been turning to Kevin more and more for comfort, just so she wouldn't feel so alone.

Besides, Kevin truly intrigued her. He was the only guy who'd shown genuine interest in her and could be a match for her.

All the other guys she knew seemed to feel threatened by her. She was too smart, too outspoken, too talented and too accomplished. No 15-year-old guy wanted a girlfriend who could kick his butt. They all wanted sweet, cute, adoring girls who doted upon them and made them feel like strong, manly men.

Even Ben wanted that.

What hope could she possibly have of attracting any normal guy?

It was so unfair. Superhero guys didn't have any trouble attracting normal girls. Julie even thought Ben's powers were cool.

It didn't work so well the other way around. For her, it was a disadvantage.

Even that cute blond guy in her karate class, Matt, who'd liked her a lot when they'd first met, had seemed disinterested after he'd found out that her skills were far superior to his. He was also a black belt in karate, but he could never defeat her.

She refused to cater to guys who had such an ego that they couldn't deal with a girl being better than them. Unfortunately, that seemed to be 99.9% of the guys at her high school.

She just wanted to feel normal for once. Well, as normal as she could possibly be, anyway.

* * *

She stopped by a convenience store on the way to get a soda for Kevin and it really irritated him that she felt compelled to do that.

_Stupid Kevin, always complaining_, Ben thought. There was nothing wrong with the smoothies. They were so refreshing, and good for you, too. Kevin just liked to complain.

Ben knew Gwen liked smoothies. Well, maybe not the turnip and wheatgrass ones, but she definitely liked the fruit smoothies.

As he followed her, he was careful to keep his distance so she wouldn't notice him.

He knew it was wrong to be spying on her like this, but he had to know.

He shouldn't even care, but he did. The truth was that he was jealous. He didn't want things to change between him and Gwen. She was the one person he could always count on, no matter what, and he'd taken it for granted that she'd always be there for him.

Now everything was changing, and he didn't like it one bit.

He spent most of his time with Gwen and Kevin, and if they got together…

He'd lose all the influence that he had over her. She would side with Kevin and leave him to fend for himself. It would leave him out in the cold, by himself, with no one left to turn to.

It had been so hard to lose Grandpa Max already, and he was filled with dread at the thought of losing her too.

He loved her more than anyone, but he couldn't tell her what she meant to him. He was afraid she'd think he was crazy.

Gwen was his cousin, but she was also his best friend and sidekick, and… he wasn't sure what. Their relationship was not clearly defined, and lately he'd been feeling more and more confused.

His involvement with Julie felt like a cover sometimes. He had been flattered by Julie's interest in him at first. She was such a cute girl, and he liked spending time with her. But he didn't have much time for dating because being a superhero was his priority. He had a mission. He had to put together a team like Grandpa Max had told him to, and defeat the DNAliens. Otherwise, Earth would be enslaved by the Highbreeds.

Nothing was more important than the mission.

Gwen understood that. She understood _him_.

No one else would ever understand him the way she did.

As he approached Kevin's place, he faltered. He could hear them talking softly, and it made him feel queasy.

He took a deep breath and peeked around the corner, not sure if he really wanted to know, but…

There they were, standing close together. Gwen was clasping Kevin's hand tenderly, and they were staring into each other's eyes.

His heart leaped into his throat. He couldn't stand it any longer. He turned and ran as fast as he could.

It had been a mistake to follow her. He cursed himself for being such a fool. He'd been in denial, not wanting to see what was going on between them, but there was no mistaking it now.

For the first time in his life, he wasn't number one in her heart.

He ran for several blocks before exhaustion finally slowed him down. In turmoil, he walked on for another block, then stopped abruptly and turned back.

He suddenly felt very angry.

_I should confront them… interrupt them__…_

But as he got closer, his anger turned into a terrible sense of foreboding…

Something was not right. Gwen was in trouble. He could feel it.

* * *

Gwen ran to his side. Ben didn't look good. Battling Darkstar had taken its toll on him, and he looked pale and weak.

"You okay, man?" Kevin asked him.

"Tired…" he wheezed.

She caught him as he collapsed, gently cradling him in her arms. She held him with such tenderness, and the pain in his heart eased a little.

"Sit down and catch your breath," she told him.

"Everything spinning… growing dim… Need smoothie…"

She stared down at him, amusement glinting in her eyes, mingled with loving concern.

"He's fine," she told the rest of them.

But she didn't let go.

The End


End file.
